Young Lady

Today I woke up with the worse pain in the right side of my head. It's only allergies and I will live but seriously! I never had allergy issues like this when I lived in Michigan or North Carolina!

Now I will get back to me:

When I said things came easily to me I did not mean monetary/material items. I didn't get my way all the time and I was not spoiled - despite what my mom says.

I guess what I meant was that my life was not that hard. I passed in school without really trying. I secured jobs that I wanted without actually having a good interview. I dated almost any guy I wanted to and money was not a issue like it is now.

NOW...

I have not been on a date in 2.5 years! I have to work my ass off to get any recognition at work! I have to work my ass of to pay my bills. Rarely do I stay home from work, as I did today, because financially, I cannot afford it. But there was no way in hades I would have been able to deal with Thing 1 and Thing 2 and the "boss".

I want to speak of my childhood but feel it is completely unnecessary at this point. What happened, happened. I have discussed all of the issues with the people who matter and we have rebuilt bridges.

As a teen I was the quiet, geeky looking, stoner girl in the back of the class. At lunch you could catch me and my step sister behind the school with the hottest guy in our class, smoking dope.

No longer do I use street drugs, that all stopped after the birth of my daughter, we will get to her another time.

I graduated middle of the class - yes, that's me AVERAGE. I had no ambition to go to college, I guess I didn't have any ambition period.

A few years later I chose to visit my dad [from whom I had been sort of estranged]. I knew if I were to grow as an individual and hopefully have a successful relationship, I would have to get over my issues with him and his part in our dysfunctional family.

Things went well and he was by far a better dad now, than when I was younger. I chose to stay in NC and met Satan himself, Taylor's dad. [Taylor is my daughter]

We partied like rock stars and he used me like the hotel room that rock stars like to trash. I still to this day have a broken nose that he gave me. As well as many other battle scars and emotional scars.

If you know me then you know my teeth are fucked up! This is thanks to him. His fist loved my face so much it caused hairline fractures in my teeth as well as other bones in my face.

Why don't I get it fixed? You are wondering. Well, I have been a single mother for almost 19 years now, if you have ever been a single parent then you know finances are strained.

I am praying this year I can get approval for a loan through the dentist office to have it fixed. I am sure this alone will make me feel better about myself.

Wow! This really does bother me, so much more than I thought. I am crying my eyes out right now and can barely see the computer.

Anyway, this is a physical thing that can be fixed hopefully sooner than later.

Things got so bad between me and Satan that I attempted suicide. I also pushed back at him so hard that he would hopefully put me out of my misery. He told me several times where he was going to take my body so no one could find it... He choked me until I passed out... He tried to put a huge Rambo style knife through my head....

It was that bad and that's why I attempted suicide.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

There was no way in Hades I was going to let my child grow up in that environment. She gave me the courage to leave [my dumb ass stayed awhile because I thought the baby would change him].

We left eventually and that resulted in a ride in a police car for my safety so I could file a report. My dad coming to my home in the middle of the night to watch Taylor while I was at the police station. A 911 call coming over the police radio, it was my dad! He had Satan at gun point and was not going to take it off him until the police got there. If I remember right, he said he would shoot him if he tried to run! :)

(I love you dad!)

Taylor:

I have always called her my angel for her presence saved my life.

She gave me a reason to live.

FYI:

To this day Satan says everything that happened was all in my head. It never happened....

whatever